the fabulous and ridiculous adventures of surfline man
Hapless yet determined, annoying yet impossible to hate, Surfline Man loves surfing more than anything else in life. He reads every last forecast like it’s truth and he spends so many hours thinking about surfing. More, in fact, than he spends actually doing it. Surfline Man knows what’s up, and has many opinions which he’ll share with you at length. But he’s also the most stoked guy you’ll ever meet. Surfing, it’s like his favorite thing!
Yes, of course he drives a Sprinter van. And yes, he bought the red fins, because the looked cool, not because they would actually work with his board. He can’t help but buy every latest and greatest piece of gear in the hope that somehow this one thing will make his life complete. You see how it is.
Here is the full archive of Surfline Man’s fabulous and ridiculous adventures over at Beachgrit, where he was born and continues to live out his days.
It all began one fateful day: I did not know it was a Surfline Day, when untold hordes come crawling out from every nook and cranny. There is surf today! Everyone go surfing! Omg! And, obediently, Surfline Man and all his besties go surfing. — Surfline Man: An Anthropological Study
Surfline Man is stuck at home in San Clemente. His shiny Sprinter Van sits idle in the driveway. His quiver stands untouched in the garage, dry and lonely. No surfing! How will Surfline Man survive this strange and uncertain new world. — Surfline Man Learns to Bake
When we last met Surfline Man, he was meticulously feeding his sourdough starter during the Quar Times. But Corona is so over. What could our forecast-loving surf hero be up to now? What else, but a surf trip. — Surfline Man Goes on a Surf Trip, part 1
Sure, some of his buddies weren’t that enthusiastic, and sure, Trestles is firing. Surfline Man remains undaunted. Surfline Man doesn’t care about your hate. Surfline Man is going to Waco and he’s determined to convince his bros in the industry to help him get there. — Surfline Man Goes on a Surf Trip, part 2
Surfline Man is totally over it. He didn’t really want to go to Texas anyway. And look at those Corona numbers. It’s toxic, brah. He stands in the parking lot at San O, and watches his aerial dreams waft away forever. Air reverses are for groms, he tells his girlfriend. Surfline Man is really into his cutback now. He just bought a shiny new midlength and he’s ready to style so hard. He’s going to surf like Devon Howard in no time! — Surfline Man Loves his Cutback
Even better, Surfline Man spotted a cute girl in the Swamis parking lot. Maybe she would let him ride her surfboard sometime. When he saw her, he felt something and he’s pretty sure it wasn’t the burrito he had for breakfast. He is super sure that she is The One. Now, if he could just meet her. — Surfline Man Meets a Girl
The path of true love had never looked so smooth. All Surfline Man needed to do was go to yoga. How hard could that be? It’s just some sweaty, stretching in a small room with a bunch of other people, hopefully including the cute girl from the Swamis parking lot, Casey. — Surfline Man Goes Shopping
Surfline Man doesn’t really know where the waves come from — I mean, really, who does — but he knows what the graphs and charts tell him. Waves! Waves are coming. An unsinkable optimism buoys him. He is certain that the forecasts would never lie. It’ll be a day like no other. But first he has to get ready. The first winter swell of the season is coming straight at him, and he isn’t even prepared for it at all. — Surfline Man goes surfing, part 1
Past Sunset Boulevard, over Sepulveda, he speeds along the 101 through the Val, the strip malls streaming by on repeat. He stops in Agoura for a gas station coffee. Then, down Conejo Grade, and he’s so close now. The oil rig lights dance on the horizon. Rincon! He’ll be there in no time. — Surfline Man goes Surfing, part 2
Surfline Man is cursed. And he’s pretty sure the only thing that will cure him is a new surfboard. He just has to decide which surfboard out of all the surfboards in the world he should get. This is not easy at all. Surfline Man would never underestimate such a task. — Surfling Man Orders a Custom Surfboard, Part 1
Surfline Man has never talked to an actual shaper before now. This is so exciting! Surfline Man is going to learn all about where surfboards come from. He can’t even wait! — Surfline Man Orders a Custom Surfboard, Part 2
Why even have a Sprinter if you’re not going to head out into the unknown once in a while? Tracing the curve of the coastline and following the roads until they end, Surfline Man believes he has it all figured out. Switching over to Surfline, he double-checks the forecast. It looks so good. — Surfline Man and The Search for the Secret Spot
Joel Tudor says that Malibu is the best summer surf spot in the world, and Surfline Man knows better to argue. He might get punched in the face. If he’s honest, Surfline Man is pretty sure he’ll get punched in the face eventually anyway, but he’s not about to speed up the process. — Surfline Man Goes to Malibu
A new surfboard at last! That means Surfline Man is going to need some fins, and he’s going to need them super fast. Shit’s getting so real now. He should get keels, right? Everyone puts keels on fish, at least, Surfline Man thinks that’s how it works. But now he’s totally not sure. — Surfline Man Gets Smarter
Without even moving, Surfline Man can see his brand-new red fish leaning against the wall. Yes, at long last, Surfline Man picked up his new surfboard that Mike the Shaper made it just for him. Surfline Man is feeling all the good vibes. Mike made him a surfboard. They’re, like, best bros for life now. — Surfline Man and the Red Fish